i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
