Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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