what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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