i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
