I am spending my child support on dildos
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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