Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
