She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
