Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
