I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Randomize
