Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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