I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
