Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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