My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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