Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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