like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
