I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
