Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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