I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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