How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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