im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
