I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
