U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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