We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
not ubering you a puppy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
