happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
