I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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