His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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