that's an acceptable place to lick
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize