I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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