throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
