he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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