So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
