I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
