he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
