we have pet lesbian snakes
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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