Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
