are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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