I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
