Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
