So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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