Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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