The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
