I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
