Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
