He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
