I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
