I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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