Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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