walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize