I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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