I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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