You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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