Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
