Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
