Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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