I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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