3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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