My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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