My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
