It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
