Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
