Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
