I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
