I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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