I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
