Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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