i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
