we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
