My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Boobs are out for the taking
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
